Contributed to The Next Gentleman by Dr. Dain Heer
What does it mean to be a man? What are the qualities of a true gentlemen? Much of what has been written on the topic describes men as strong, tough, macho and intimidating. Emotionally detached. Often insensitive. You know, the alpha male who dominates, overpowers, controls the conversation and believes that all women should fall at his feet. If this is not how you function as a man, you can be left believing that there is something wrong with you. You judge you as not being good enough, strong enough, attractive enough… or just plain not enough.
Then there’s the doormat, also known as the nice guy or the SNAG (sensitive new age guy). This is the guy who takes care of everyone else, never stopping to ask what it is HE desires. Often this guy doesn’t see the gift that he is, doesn’t recognize how much he contributes by his very presence, believes he is not what men are supposed to be, so he becomes the sensitive new age guy who is always doing for others. The doormat. The one who is taken advantage of. The one who is overlooked.
Unfortunately, many men believe that these are the only two options available. Either be the alpha male or be the doormat. Either be the dominator or allow yourself to be walked on. What if there was another choice available? What if men were not limited to alpha male or doormat but could actually embrace all aspects of being a gentleman and choose what’s appropriate in each situation? Being a gentleman includes kindness, caring and gentleness as well as strength, power and potency. When you are willing to have all of you and include all aspects of you, life becomes much greater – easier too!
Here are 3 tips on how to embrace all aspects of being a true gentleman:
1. Stop Pretending
Regardless of who told you what it means to be a man, what image you are supposed to maintain, what it takes to be somebody and to be successful, forcing yourself to be someone other than who you are never works.
True gentlemen don’t pretend. True gentlemen are willing to let go of the image. True gentlemen choose to be themselves no matter who likes it and who doesn’t.
2. Be Willing to Do It Wrong
In case you haven’t noticed, perfectionism doesn’t exist. This idea that we are supposed to have all the right answers and that we are supposed to always get it right, leaves so many men judging themselves relentlessly.
What if you were willing to do it wrong? What if you were willing to mess up? What if you could even laugh at yourself when you did? When you are being you, you have total ease no matter who you are around. You even have ease with the “mistakes” you make. The next time you say something stupid, what if you could stop for a moment and rather than judge you, laugh at the stupid thing you said and choose to be grateful for you?
3. Like Yourself
What if you could wake up every morning, look in the mirror and be completely grateful for that person staring back at you? When you start to like you, everything in your life changes. Rather than looking for someone else to validate you, you acknowledge yourself. Rather than judging what you can’t be, rather than judging what you are supposed to be, you simply choose to be you. No matter what.
This takes a level of courage and vulnerability. And, if you will choose that level of courage and vulnerability, new doors and new possibilities will open up. One thing that you can do to start liking you and stop judging you is to ask, “What’s right about me that I’m not getting?”
You are the gift, the contribution and the change that the world requires. When you attempt to be the alpha male that someone said you were supposed to be, or you attempt to be the nice guy, the doormat, that everyone walks on, you are miserable, and the rest of the world misses out. A true gentleman includes all aspects of himself and doesn’t cut off one single thing. He embraces the potency and the kindness. He is not ashamed to cry, and he is able to be strong. He includes everything about him, judging none of it. Alpha male, sensitive new age guy or something else? The something else is you being you. The something else is what changes everything.
About Dr. Dain Heer
Dr. Dain Heer is an internationally renowned author, speaker and facilitator of consciousness and change. Co-creator of Access Consciousness, Dr. Heer invites people to embrace their true greatness—people from every culture, country, age and social strata of society. Originally trained as a chiropractor, he has a completely different approach to healing by facilitating people to tap into and recognize their own abilities and knowing. He is the author of 9 books including, Being You, Changing the World, which is now an international bestseller. A guest on hundreds of nationally syndicated radio and TV shows including Fox News and Gaiam TV, Dr. Heer also hosts a regular radio show called Conversations in Consciousness. Follow @dr_dainheer.
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